Full Circle

This week, I went to a tour of the Stone Circle Bakehouse. Well, it wasn't a tour as much as a sample tutorial and Q&A. Nevertheless, Kevin Cosgrove welcomed the local Slow Food Group into his bakehouse and shared with us how he came to be a baker and it was so much more than I had imagined.

He was so kind and generous, he offered to let us put bread into the oven. I was too nervous to do it, but one of the gals from MSU stepped up and did it. Kevin's humility was one thing that struck me. He was so amazingly nonchalant in his manner and speaking and it made me respect him even more. He told us of traveling across the country and asking other bakers what they did so that he could learn. He didn't want their secrets, he just wanted to watch what they did. He wanted to learn the craft.

I asked him why he picked baking, if he had baked previously and enjoyed it. His answer was that he had been in the hotel catering business for years. He was very familiar with food services, and yet he couldn't help but notice that the bread service, which was an integral part of the meal, was so poorly executed and under recognized. I loved this answer and when he finished, I said, "So you went for the underdog." He seemed to click with this recognition and looked at me like, "Yes, exactly." It was a great moment.

The experience of being there in his bakehouse is hard to describe. There were about about ten of us, yet it seemed intimate. I suppose part of that is because he was inviting us into his space and it almost seemed like a place to revere. Kevin was open to questions and was just so generous with his time and patience. He was funny, and made it clear that he did not want to expand his business beyond his bakehouse. He intends to stay local, wants to keep it manageable, wants to stay close to who is eating his bread.

I came away understanding breadmaking better and understanding that it is, indeed, a craft. This experience only reinstated to me the importance of getting our food locally and knowing where it comes from. And it inspired me. I understand more fully now that what goes into food isn't only ingredients, but intent, effort and craft. I always knew this, but now I understand it on a different level. And it makes the food even more delicious. In this case, fougasse, or a close relative to foccacia. Mmmmm, incredible.

Calling it in

Sometimes I Call It In. I'm not saying I'm proud, just forthright. But, how did I get here?

Over the last few weeks of summer, into the fall, I was feeling drained. But, I didn't know to what extent until I went away by myself at the end of September. When I was growing up and into my young adult years, I spent a lot of time by myself. I spent time creating; journaling, painting, drawing, writing, studying art forms. I came to know myself, to even enjoy spending time by myself, so much that I preferred it to being around others sometimes. When I lived in Maryland, I would sometimes go down to The Mall in D.C. and just sit and draw, people watch, watch the carousel, and, of course, go to the Art Museum. I spent hours doing this kind of thing and I loved it. I sometimes would get really close to paintings so I could see the brush strokes. It was amazing, even magical, to me....how such incredible visual feasts could be created with brush strokes. How, with large and small dots of paint a completely different aesthetic could be created as opposed to long brush strokes. Amazing. But, I digress.

That plethora of alone time has certainly dwindled over the years, with work and then children, and then work again, needing more of my time. And, as my children are now a little older, are potty-trained and not nursing, they don't need me in the same way. Yet they still need me and I find myself sometimes not putting forth my best effort. And I am fully aware of why I do this. What I see time and again is that people don't know how far they have sunk until they have risen again. And that's what happened to me...again.

In my day-to-day life, I spend my days (and nights, sometimes) taking care of everyone else. I fix meals, clean floors, wash dishes, do laundry, organize papers, drive my kids to school, help expecting parents, help new parents, am a sounding board for my friends and a partner to my husband. And a hundred other things. I get a cup of coffee now and then, or I spend too much time on Facebook, but that doesn't really revive me from my other duties. This is no different than many other people in the world, so don't think I am belly-aching about that.

When I went away to Milwaukee at the end of September for the first-ever joint conference between ICEA and Lamaze, I took the ferry at my husband's suggestion. It was a good one. I love water, boats, and it was a gorgeous day. It was a great way to start the trip, very calming and soothing. I sat on the sun deck and soaked in the sun, the sway of the boat. I could have stayed there all day. Eventually, I went in and read my book for a little while, which is also something I don't get to do enough of.

What I realized at the conference is that I had been Calling It In. Not only with my family, but with my classes, perhaps even with my co-workers. It wasn't an indication that I didn't care, but that I needed some re energizing, some alone time, some time to reflect and say again, "Oh yeah, this is why I do this. And, yes, I can continue on this path because it is important...and it is what I am supposed to be doing." I felt revitalized towards my job, my kids, my husband. It was amazing.

So, I am grateful. I am grateful that I could go to the conference, that I was able to get revitalized, that it helped me realize how far I had sunk and how often I was Calling It In. And, while I won't have the opportunity to go away again soon, I will remember that boat ride, the sun on my face, the gentle sway of the boat, and I will have a little piece of it. A little peace.