My Agreements

As I said in my first post, in her book, Gretchen Rubin concocts Resolutions, Commandments and also includes a list she calls Secrets of Adulthood. Today I thought it was time that I wrote mine down, so here goes. I have started with the Commandments, as that was easier for me than the Resolutions, and have kept a couple of hers that really resonated with me. I have italicized those. And, I have renamed them, as Commandments brings to mind Charlton Heston for me, and he just isn't the image I strive to have in my head that often. Instead, I am calling them Agreements, taken from The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz, which is one of my most treasured spiritual books.

Twelve, er...Fifteen Agreements
1. Be Heather
2. It is what it is.
3. Be fair.
4. Moderation is key.
5. No assumptions.
6. There is only love.
7. Do what feels right.
8. Do my best.
9. Let it go.
10. Peace begins with me.
11. Pay it forward.
12. Work through it.
13. Lighten up.
14. Good is good enough.
15. Let My Life Speak

Some of these are simply the way I try to live my life now. And some really need to be applied more often and with a bit more conviction. The fact that I couldn't even hold myself to twelve is probably a good indication that I need to "Lighten Up", most specifically in regards to myself. The expectations that I have for myself far outweigh those that anyone else has of me, which brings me to my few Secrets of Adulthood, which I have also renamed. For some reason, Secrets of Adulthood sounds like it should be an entry in my journal from my tween years.

My Truths
-The only way out is through.
-By doing a little bit each day, you can accomplish a lot.
-If you can't find something, clean up.
-Lower your expectations and you will be pleasantly surprised.
-My shoes don't fit anyone else, but some have the same style.
-People don't notice your mistakes as much as you think.
-Even at the depths of despair, there is still ample strength in reserve.
-Hope is like water.
-Give to give, not to receive.
-Show love before you can't.
-Be grateful for what you have.

These are the few that I can think of right now, but I may add more at a later date. Perhaps as I learn more, or as I am reminded of some.

Lately, I have been feeling immensely grateful for all that I have. I have many things in my life that I have dreamt of over the years and hope to fulfill more dreams and help others fulfill theirs. But I am so very grateful that I have a husband who I love and who loves me, two children that are precious to me, a home to keep us warm and to make memories in, and I also get to do work that is very rewarding. And now, I am so relieved to be writing. It is like finally getting to stratch an itch that has been out of reach. Ahhh...that's the spot.

Heart of Faith

Recently, I was talking with someone about Quakerism. He was asking questions about our worship time and what happens during that time. It was clear to me that he wasn't getting it...it wasn't connecting. This, I think, is largely in part because he and his religious affiliation hold beliefs that are strikingly different than my dearly-held Quaker beliefs. When I fully realized he was not going to understand what I was trying to explain, I quickly redirected the conversation and asked him questions about his congregation.

A week or so later, we got a phone call from this person. He is a pastor at his church and he informed my husband that he had decided to base a sermon on me, a "strong-willed woman", in his words. The passages from the Bible that he chose were Mark 7:24-30. He added that he had tried to call earlier in the week, but got no answer. He had wanted us to read the sermon before he shared it with his congregation.

After Brian got off the phone and told me all this, I was incredulous. First, because he called me a strong-willed woman. Was that a compliment or an insult? Depends on who you ask and/or who is saying it. Second, what were these passages...and where is my bible?! Next, my mind was swirling with questions: "What does he mean by this? Why didn't he just e-mail the sermon to us?" And..."Why did he have to use me as an example for his sermon?"

After reading the passage, things were not much clearer. It doesn't help that the bible I was using is a Bible that was my Great Aunt's and the language is far from modern. It was no clearer to me, except that dogs were also in the passage and what I understood was that the woman was being compared to a dog and the woman apparently had a child that was "possessed by an evil spirit". This certainly did not improve my disposition about the matter by any means. So, I then asked a Friend for advice who is much more Bible-literate than I am. We resolved I would get back to her about which passages were involved. She had the same questions about it being an insult or compliment, but she also suggested that I not talk to him anymore.

This works out since I don't see this person but once every two years, but I am still trying to get to the bottom of this mystery and have read several sermons online now that suggest the meaning of the verses. One believes the passages are about humility, another concludes that it is about seeing a woman's heart of faith and that even such a woman is worth saving. And that brings up a whole new issue; each one of the sermons interpret the verses differently, since each one is written by a different person. And, in my opinion, that is what makes religion and following the Bible literally so dangerous. This great work of literature means something different to each person, because each one of us has a unique perspective and experiences that make up that perspective.

The ironic part is that this is exactly one of the things that I love so much about my Quaker Meeting, that each person is respected for their perspective, regardless of whether anyone else agrees with it. People are loved for who they are in that moment, at that time, and people even agree to disagree.

The real test for me, here, is to embrace this as a learning experience. To perhaps even, be humbled by the fact that I played a small part in someone's sermon. But the larger part of me is leaning towards agreeing to disagree. For now, anyway.

Cutting back

One of my goals for 2010 was to live more simply. (Hmm, could I make that any broader?) There are about a thousand ways to interpret this, and implement it, so where to start? I really began to put this into action when Brian went to get our yard composter in April. Stewardship is not only important to me as an individual, but it is also important to me as a community member, and as a mother. Stewardship is included in the Quaker testimonies and I have done what I could while mothering my babies. Now that they are a little older and can understand and help more, I feel even stronger about striving to generate less waste.

Our first step was to get the composter. This of course included an inside compost container which we would empty into the larger one outside. Then I felt compelled to improve our recycling system, which basically had been an assortment of paper bags, a random extra trash can and the bin provided by the trash company. Well, I spent a little money, but now have more organized sorting bins in the garage that can easily be taken to the recycling station.

A couple of years back, I stopped using plastic grocery bags. Or should I say I tried to stop using them. It was a haphazard effort. Again, small babies were my priority then. But, in this last year, I always take my own bags. And, if I forget for some reason, I always get paper, since I can recycle that. I have gotten to the point where I will delay a trip somewhere a day or so if I have forgotten my bags. I have affectionately appropriated the title Bag Lady.

I am proud to say that just recently, Brian told me that he thinks we might be able to request a smaller trash bin due to the reduction of trash we put out now. So, we have not only cut back the amount of trash we are sending to the landfill, we also have potentially cut back on one of our bills. Now that's what I call progress. And it feels good.

In the Beginning...

For my book club, the book we are reading is The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. This book was on the NYT bestseller list for a while, but that isn't why I suggested it for my book club. The prospect of a project concerning happiness intrigued me. And, as a person who has always seemed to have a need to grow and learn more, it appealed to that side of me as well.

So, here we are at my new blog and I intend it to be an account of my own Happiness Project. As she notes in her book, Gretchen Rubin is fortunate. She is a full-time writer, well-educated, lives on the Upper East Side of NYC, she is white. Like her, I am white and have a college degree. And, it is not lost on me that I am fortunate in my life. But, then, that is part of what this project is about. To focus on what makes me happy more often, to examine what could make me happier. And perhaps to see if I can help others achieve that as well. We'll see...but everything has to start somewhere. And my somewhere is here.

Gretchen has written out three lists to clarify her objectives. The first one is her Twelve Commandments. This list encompasses principles meant to help her achieve the resolutions she has set for herself for each month. Secondly, she set twelve different resolutions she planned to work on over the course of the year. She began her project in the month of January, so this makes sense. The third list is her Secrets of Adulthood. These are lessons she learned during adulthood, perhaps the hard way. I prescribe to some of them, and perhaps I will address that at a later date.

So, this is my beginning. I hope to write at least once a week. One quote from the book that I like is, "When life was taking its ordinary course, it was hard to remember what really mattered; if I wanted a happiness project, I'd have to make the time." This is true, and not just for a happiness project. Many worthwhile things require making the time for them. And my journey will most certainly be rediscovering that. Perhaps repeatedly...and practicing it is a whole different story.